Tag Archives: pets

Cat of the week: Hero

By Sharon Wylie, Crash’s Landing


Each week WKTV features an adoptable cat from Crash’s Landing or Big Sid’s Sanctuary. Both cat rescue organizations were founded by Jennifer Petrovich, DVM (Dr. Jen), who is on staff at Clyde Park Veterinary Clinic (4245 Clyde Park Ave SW).


In June of 2013, Dr. Jen received a very nice email request from an employee at a Michigan shelter in regards to transferring over a Feline Leukemia positive boy who was stuck in a cage—with limited adoption opportunities. Since their shelter did not have a program for cats with FELV (most do not) and he was not able to roam much due to lack of space, he was primarily confined to one spot. The shelter was able to house him temporarily with a positive kitten, so Hero (who was born in late 2013) had a buddy to snuggle and cuddle with.


Since we focus on cats older than six months of age, Dr. Jen gladly accepted this striking, stunning tabby fella into our program at Big Sid’s. So on July 7th we welcomed this long and lanky, MARVELOUS manx into our free-roaming, two level facility after a work-up was performed at the clinic—and Dr. Jen got to bond and fall hopelessly in love with him. I mean those ear tips and tufts alone are enough to knock your socks off, but when you couple that with those piercing green eyes… it’s all over!


Hero is probably one of THE HAPPIEST CATS we currently have at our sanctuary! He could not wait to be released from our intake suite (we had to speed up the process a wee bit to accommodate his eagerness) so he could meet the rest of the residents and hang out with all of the volunteers. Instant-presto nice guy Hero impressed everyone with how cordial and outgoing he was from the moment he padded paw into our place. Our cat care director went so far as to say that he was one of the nicest cats we have EVER had at Sid’s—and that is saying A LOT. She says he thrives on chatting with you and following you around; no matter what you are doing or where you are, jubilant, overjoyed Hero is there with a smile plastered on his face (he sports a very winning grin).


It is a crying shame that our handsome Hero contracted the virus because it does limit his chances realistically of being adopted. He is too social and has formed such a strong kinship with the other cats that he absolutely has to have another kitty to play with, and he needs a bustling household that can energize and entertain him. It can be a tall order to fill when asking someone to take a chance on a Feline Leukemia positive kitty, but Hero has SO MUCH TO OFFER—virus be damned! He is most definitely worth looking into what it requires to take on a positive kitty, so if you are interested in finding out more about Hero and FELV, please contact Dr. Jen directly.

MORE ABOUT HERO

  • Felv+
  • House trained
  • Spayed/Neutered
  • Current on vaccinations

Get the facts about Feline Leukemia here.


Learn about our adoption process here. Fill out a pre-adoption form here.


Interested in volunteering at one of the cat shelters? Email volunteer@crashslanding.org.


Can’t adopt, but still want to help? Find out how you can sponsor a cat!


Crash’s Landing and Big Sid’s Sanctuary have a common mission: To take at-risk stray cats off the streets of the Greater Grand Rapids area, provide them with veterinary care and house them in free-roaming, no-kill facilities until dedicated, loving, permanent homes can be found.

Cat of the week: Heyward

Just look at that handsome mug

By Sharon Wylie

Crash’s Landing


Each week WKTV features an adoptable cat from Crash’s Landing or Big Sid’s Sanctuary. Both cat rescue organizations were founded by Jennifer Petrovich, DVM (Dr. Jen), who is on staff at Clyde Park Veterinary Clinic (4245 Clyde Park Ave SW).


We happen to think that ALL of our Crash Cats are good looking, but this guy right here is one hot commodity, and so flipping handsome we can hardly contain ourselves when we gaze upon his gorgeousness! Hunky Heyward (born in late 2011) ended up homeless and helpless in mid-October, 2016 when a cat lover provided him with the safety and comfort of a really awesome outdoor coop she has set up for the strays she often comes across out in her northeast Grand Rapids neighborhood.


When Dr. Jen had the extreme pleasure of welcoming him into our program on November 14th, he was extremely shy and suffering from severe dental disease; in fact the neutered male had pockets of pus present in his mouth and was missing many teeth that had literally rotted and fallen out sometime before his rescue. He was pretty scruffy and matted, probably from not being willing to groom himself as meticulously due to profound oral pain, so we spruced and fluffed him up while he was under anesthesia for his surgery. He looked and smelled SO much better once he woke up and was able to enthusiastically dive head first into bowl after bowl of yummy soft food.


Once at the shelter, Heyward hunkered down in his two-story cat condo and refused ANY and ALL human contact for two whole weeks, though he delighted in the endless supply of meals and didn’t mind people speaking softly to him. Then, all of a sudden, at exactly the two-week mark, he waltzed on out of his condo and demanded affection, and he hasn’t stopped since that wonderful, glorious day. He prefers to stay tucked away out of the limelight but will seek out attention when all is quiet in the shelter.


Heyward is especially fond of belly rubs and lap snuggles; we suspect that once he feels comfy and cozy in his new, mellow home, he will offer his tummy up for major pets and warm the laps of those who have chosen to take a chance on him, take him home and love him up one side and down the other:) Heyward deserves to be doted on and adored, and he will most certainly reciprocate your kindness with unconditional love.

Want to adopt Heyward? Learn about the adoption process here. Fill out a pre-adoption form here.


Interested in volunteering at one of the cat shelters? Email volunteer@crashslanding.org.


Can’t adopt, but still want to help? Find out how you can sponsor a cat!


Crash’s Landing and Big Sid’s Sanctuary have a common mission: To take at-risk stray cats off the streets of the Greater Grand Rapids area, provide them with veterinary care and house them in free-roaming, no-kill facilities until dedicated, loving, permanent homes can be found.

Cat of the week: Clawed LeMew

Meet Clawed LeMew!

By Sharon Wylie

Crash’s Landing


Each week WKTV features an adoptable cat from Crash’s Landing or Big Sid’s Sanctuary. Both cat rescue organizations were founded by Jennifer Petrovich, DVM (Dr. Jen), who is on staff at Clyde Park Veterinary Clinic (4245 Clyde Park Ave SW).


At the tail end of January 2015, Wyoming resident April D. came across this very hot mess of a cat on a bitterly cold winter day; abscessed and oozing, this intact male needed help ASAP. So she contacted us and we got him out to the clinic the very next day, which turned out to be not a minute too soon, as there was way more going on than what met the eye. Not only was this 5-year-old tom cat (born in early 2012) suffering from multiple infected bite wounds on his very swollen and lame left rear leg, but both of his ears were terribly infected , one of his nails had been completely torn off resulting in a nasty infection AND he was anemic from a blood parasite carried by fleas.


Although he looked really rough on the outside, it was the lack of red blood cells that was the bigger threat; he ended up requiring two different types of antibiotics, narcotics and steroids to treat all that ailed him. However, in spite of it all, within three weeks after his arrival, our fabulously fine fella with the frayed ear tips recovered completely. In fact, to look at him now, you would never guess the laundry list of issues he had upon arrival into our program.


It took a bit for Clawed LeMew to fully acclimate to his surroundings, something that we totally understand given his tumultuous history and the fact he came in looking like a furry little punching bag. He is still a bit head shy (who can blame him?) but each and every day he is with us he becomes less leery of the other cats around him. However, Dr. Jen admits being told that he is one to speak his mind and spew kitty profanity if someone gets a wee bit too close for comfort.


Clawed adores human attention and is very willing to engage in sessions of belly rubs and heavy petting (sounds naughty right?) but he isn’t too fond of being picked up. He gets a little spooked if you move too fast around him, so we try to remember to go slow and shower him with his favorite tasty treats, Temptations. He may have been a bit of a bad boy while out on his own, but now that he is part of this new team, Clawed gets to stop being defensive and show his softer side.


It has been remarkable for us to literally watch his transformation occur right before our eyes — not only has he developed into a mature, well-adjusted fella, but he has shown us, and more importantly himself, that he is capable of being gentle and loving. He thoroughly enjoys soaking up the reassurances and tender touches of the volunteers that are spoiling him on a daily basis.


Since life on the streets proved to be aggressive and chaotic for Clawed, we will strive to find him a home that is calm and quiet, one where he can settle in, hunker down and reap the rewards of being a handsome, pampered house cat.

Want to adopt Clawed LeMew? Learn about the adoption process here. Fill out a pre-adoption form here.


Interested in volunteering at one of the cat shelters? Email volunteer@crashslanding.org.


Can’t adopt, but still want to help? Find out how you can sponsor a cat!


Crash’s Landing and Big Sid’s Sanctuary have a common mission: To take at-risk stray cats off the streets of the Greater Grand Rapids area, provide them with veterinary care and house them in free-roaming, no-kill facilities until dedicated, loving, permanent homes can be found.

Cat of the week: Elegant Ellie

Meet Elegant Ellie!

By Sharon Wylie

Crash’s Landing

 

Each week WKTV features an adoptable cat from Crash’s Landing or Big Sid’s Sanctuary. Both cat rescue organizations were founded by Jennifer Petrovich, DVM (Dr. Jen), who is on staff at Clyde Park Veterinary Clinic (4245 Clyde Park Ave SW).

 

Elegant Ellie first arrived at Crash’s via the Veteran’s Home back in the fall of 2005. Because she was so alluring and outgoing, she was quickly adopted by a wonderful gal, who took her home and doted on her for almost nine years. Dr. Jen was fortunate enough to have been her veterinarian for seven of those years, so she got to see her on a regular basis and offer advice when her mom moved, got married and acquired a dog as a house mate.

 

When the furry and human family moved to Allendale in 2012, Dr. Jen lost contact with her, until an email came to us in August of 2014, asking us to take her back into our program. Seems that for some reason that summer, Ellie took to urinating inappropriately, first on the carpet and then on the couch. Her mom mentioned that the basement did flood due to a leaky pipe, and that is where her litter box was located, and they had a person stay in their finished basement which was previously Ellie’s territory.

 

As we all know, sometimes things WE think aren’t significant enough to warrant a behavior change can indeed be terribly upsetting to a cat, who will then act out by urinating where she shouldn’t. As pet owners, it is up to us to dive deeper into the issue at hand, not blame the cat for being ‘bad’ and figure out what can be done to rectify the problem. But, all members of the household have to be on board with this game plan, and sadly, this wasn’t the case with Ellie.

 

It was extremely difficult for her mom to have to make that tearful trip to the vet’s office to relinquish custody of her little girl, one she had been through so much with over the years, but decisions were made and that was that.

 

Ellie, born in early 2005, was as darling and adorable as Dr. Jen recalled, talking up a storm and purring and head-butting her like the long-lost furry friend she was! Dr. Jen promptly collected a urine sample, which did prove to be completely normal. Knowing that stress is a HUGE factor in feline house soiling issues, she gave Ellie a pep talk, told her to mind her manners, and prepped her for her return to Crash’s. She was in need of dental work, as she hadn’t seen a vet since she left our practice, so I took her to surgery and removed a bad tooth. She woke up ready and raring to go, excited for the next chapter in her life, eager and willing to make new friends.

 

In fact, within a day of arriving back at Crash’s, where she spent no more than a few weeks so long ago, this ebullient girl wanted OUT of the intake suite in a major way! She is extremely affectionate to all who cross her path, seems to really enjoy the company of other cats and is far more outgoing and accepting of her surroundings than Dr. Jen anticipated of a senior citizen new on the scene.

 

If Ellie continues to behave and beguile everyone with her winning ways, Dr. Jen has no doubt that she will be able to place her in a home again. She is simply too sweet and stunning to not afford her another chance!

 

Our policy has always been one of acceptance in spite of imperfections, and we are thrilled to be able to offer her that. Plus, it is very easy to become enamored by her beauty and energy, so we are quite happy to be hosting her once again!

MORE ABOUT ELLIE

  • Declawed
  • Spayed/Neutered
  • Current on vaccinations

Want to adopt Ellie? Learn about the adoption process here. Fill out a pre-adoption form here.


Interested in volunteering at one of the cat shelters? Email volunteer@crashslanding.org.


Can’t adopt, but still want to help? Find out how you can sponsor a cat!


Crash’s Landing and Big Sid’s Sanctuary have a common mission: To take at-risk stray cats off the streets of the Greater Grand Rapids area, provide them with veterinary care and house them in free-roaming, no-kill facilities until dedicated, loving, permanent homes can be found.

 

Cat of the week: Roku

By Sharon Wylie

Crash’s Landing


Each week WKTV features an adoptable cat from Crash’s Landing or Big Sid’s Sanctuary. Both cat rescue organizations were founded by Jennifer Petrovich, DVM (Dr. Jen), who is on staff at Clyde Park Veterinary Clinic (4245 Clyde Park Ave SW).


In mid-November, 2015, a pet groomer alerted us to the plight of a cat in need that had been hanging around her house for a few weeks. Although she had set him up on her front porch, and he was camping out there quite contentedly in a heated cat house, she soon discovered that he had been kicked out by another stray, a wild child that wouldn’t let him back in.


So she set him up in her garage for a few days, awaiting program intake, and the overwhelmed, exhausted fella slept like he hadn’t in ages. He had absolutely no interest in venturing further than his food dish and litter box, so he was allowed to just rest and regain his strength.


Although Roku was grateful, he had a hard time expressing his emotions, as he wasn’t used to anyone being decent to him; he grumbled and growled in spite of himself. After some research, his rescuer discovered that this stunning Siamese (born in late 2011) had been living in the area for a few years, sheltered by people’s garages and porches, being fed intermittently, but most of the time fending for himself. Given his history, it is no wonder that this gorgeous guy was a bit grumpy.


Once at the clinic, Roku decided that even though he wasn’t too keen on this whole TLC thing, he did enjoy the endless supply of food and the creature comforts provided. Not a fan of other felines too much, he will tolerate them as long as they are not in too close of proximity; however since we house on average 90 cats at Crash’s, he won’t be able to go very far without encountering another cat.


One good thing though is that Roku now finds humans more tolerable, though if he has had enough petting or attention slathered on him, he will gently slap your hand away or nibble at your fingers, though not once has he attempted to scratch or chomp. We feel that given his strong personality and the fact that he is very set in his ways, he will do best in a solo home, but one where he isn’t expected to be a lap cat, because that just isn’t his thing.


Roku really is a nice boy, but he is stubborn and independent — and obviously these traits served him well in his past, so we can’t begrudge him that.


We have no worries that in time, with patience and stability, Roku will understand and accept kindness wholeheartedly. Each resident in our rescue deserves to have his or her care tailored to meet their individual needs, and Roku is no exception. He’s a work in progress and the volunteers continue to provide him the affection he may not know he wants — but most definitely needs — until his forever family comes along.

MORE ABOUT ROKU

  • House trained
  • Spayed/Neutered
  • Current on vaccinations
  • Prefers a home without cats and Young Children
  • Primary Color(s): Flame Point Siamese

Want to adopt Roku? Learn about the adoption process here. Fill out a pre-adoption form here.


Interested in volunteering at one of the cat shelters? Email volunteer@crashslanding.org.


Can’t adopt, but still want to help? Find out how you can sponsor a cat!


Crash’s Landing and Big Sid’s Sanctuary have a common mission: To take at-risk stray cats off the streets of the Greater Grand Rapids area, provide them with veterinary care and house them in free-roaming, no-kill facilities until dedicated, loving, permanent homes can be found.

Cat of the week: Mushka

mushka_014732Each week WKTV features an adoptable cat from Crash’s Landing or Big Sid’s Sanctuary. Both cat rescue organizations were founded by Jennifer Petrovich, DVM (Dr. Jen), who is on staff at Clyde Park Veterinary Clinic (4245 Clyde Park Ave SW).

 

Mushka (born in March of 2009) was a homeless boy whose whereabouts prior to his rescue were unknown, but he was as timid and reserved as they come.

 

During those first few days at the clinic, he cowered and shied away from Dr. Jen as she ran blood work on him and cleaned out his ears which were impacted with ear mite debris. And since he had just been neutered days before, he needed a good, old-fashioned bath to remove the grease and oils common in intact males, known as stud-tail. Usually at the end of a cat’s stay with Dr. Jen, he or she is putty in her hands, but that wasn’t the case, and Dr. Jen sent Mushka down to Big Sid’s for some much needed compassion, gentle and positive interaction and heaping doses of one-on-one! If anyone can bring out a frightened cat’s inner lion, the dedicated volunteers can for sure.

 

Mushka is as handsome as they come when his ears aren’t flat against his head. The volunteers dote on him daily and allow him to slowly open his petals and blossom; in time he will flourish and realize that life is better than good at Big Sid’s.

 

Mushka is adoptable! Go here to read about the adoption process and then fill out an application form here. Get info about Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (FIV) here.

 

Interested in volunteering at one of the cat shelters? Email volunteer@crashslanding.org.

 

Can’t adopt, but still want to help? Find out how you can sponsor a cat!

 

See Mushka’s Petfinder bio here.

MORE ABOUT MUSHKA

  • FIV-positive
  • House trained
  • Spayed/Neutered
  • Current on vaccinations
  • Coat Length: Short

Crash’s Landing and Big Sid’s Sanctuary have a common mission: To take at-risk stray cats off the streets of the Greater Grand Rapids area, provide them with veterinary care and house them in free-roaming, no-kill facilities until dedicated, loving, permanent homes can be found.

Furbulous Gift Ideas for Fluffy, Fido, Frisky and Finn (Frances too)

Deer in Headlights

By: Victoria Mullen

Cat eye glassesThere are tons of stories floating out there in the holiday ether proposing all manner of gift ideas for people. Tons. And we (oh, who am I kidding–I) almost wrote yet another such article. Key word: Almost. Because at the very last minute, we (er, I) remembered something important: Landfills are filled with crap. People have way too much crap. Yep, and if people want even more crap, people can get online or hit the malls to shop for more.stocking hat for cat petsmart People have THUMBS, dammit!

But there is a vast portion of our population that is often overlooked, yet far more deserving. What about Fluffy and Fido? Frisky or Finn? What about their holiday wishes? Who will speak up for them?

Who, indeed?

Furry family members are at our mercy. They can’t drive (with the exception of Toonces, and we all know how that turned out). They can’t use the computer (and if they could, you’d be rich and they’d be famous). That’s why, more than ever this season, it’s important for us to be good people and surprise our fluffy, fuzzy, feathered and finny little loved ones with something that will make them happy and lift their little spirits.

Here are only a few furbulous ideas. But first…

Full disclosure: My two boys, Bobby and Frankie helped me compile this list, but they can vouch for only one of these products. (If you can call not ‘stinking outside the box’ a form of vouching.)

World’s Best® Cat Litter
So what if this is the pet equivalent of giving your spouse a vacuum cleaner for Christmas? This stuff is awesome. My boys LOVE this product and so do I. It’s made from corn, soWorlds best cat litter petsmart first off, you don’t get that nasty clay dust whisping up your nostrils when you pour it into the box. Plus, it’s lightweight, clumps even better than clay, and virtually eliminates that special aroma emitted by the treasures your cat(s) insist(s) on leaving for your sifting pleasure. I always make a beeline for the red bag because it’s for multi-cat households. $17.49 to $29.99

Whisker City® Cat Bowl
Warning: If your cat is horrendously spoiled, this gift is a very bad idea. The first line of this product’s description is a tip-off: “Spoil your princess of a pet a little more with this designer, ceramic bowl.” Only $7.99, this bowl has “Princess” printed on the inside and sports a princess crown and rhinestone. Which is overkill, in my opinion, but some people are just that nutty about their cats. This bowl is intended only for cats, so don’t go gifting your 160-pound Rottweiler with this. You’ve been warned.Laurel Burch Carlotta Cat Bowl Pet smart

Laurel Burch Carlotta Cat Bowl
My mom has a cool collection of Laurel Burch cat prints and wooden cat figures, but she doesn’t have a cat. I have two cats, but they are manly and certainly would not be impressed by this bowl. But girl kitties will love this because it’s adorned with vibrant colors and an exclusive Laurel Burch design. I’m not going to say that your precious kitty deserves a bowl fit for a queen because I will not be a party to upping the ante on your cat’s snottiness. $8.99

 

Whisker City® Pet Holiday Christmas Tree Cat Hatxmas tree cat hat
I enjoy annoying my boys every chance I get, so when I saw this online, I decided that I have to get it. It’s festive and they say it’s lightweight and comfortable for a cat to wear. I don’t believe that for one minute because no matter how comfy and cozy this thing is touted to be, no self-respecting cat will ever be comfortable wearing this hat. I mean, look at it. It screams, “I look like an idiot!” and your cat will hate you for getting this. But will that stop me? No sirree. Caution: This item is intended to be used for a short duration, under close supervision. Fit should allow room for two fingers to fit between the item and the cat. Do not use as a restraint. $5.59 (Other styles available.)

All Living Things® Ferret Hammock
Isn’t this thing adorable? Ferrets and other little guys really love hammocks, and this one sure looks comfortable. At $7.99, it’s worth it, but a cautionary tale, if I may. I had three ferrets once, all of whom were sweet-tempered; all of whom were fun. One even smelled like a chicken enchilada. Poodha was my first, so she has a special place in my heart. But darn if that little stinker didn’t have a quirk: She liked to chew on fabric–especially my ex-husband’s underwear. Clean or not, Poodha was an equal-opportunity underweferret hammockar-eater.

I mention this because you really have to keep an eagle eye on your beloved mustelid–in fact, never let him or her out of your sight. Because although I was well aware that Poodha had a hankering for cotton underwear, I did not realize how dangerous this could be. I thought it was funny. Oh, it was funny all right. Right up until the day she went limp and lethargic, and I rushed her to the vet. He took a radiograph of Poodha’s tiny belly and found a blockage. This is dangerous in any animal or human, but in a creature as tiny as a ferret, things can go south in a hurry.

I am happy to say that Poodha survived the ordeal, and I was much more observant after that. My other two ferrets never did anything like that, and maybe yours won’t either, but just a heads up. Having said all that, it turns out that the distributor of this product has a similar warning. Instructions: Observe your pet’s behavior with this product for suitability. Some items may be inappropriate for your pet. Remove and replace the item if it becomes damaged. Caution: Ingestion of this product can result in serious injury. Hey, they’re not kidding. Maybe it’s because they want to keep calling their company ‘All LIVING Things.’

All Living Things® Pet Holiday Ugly Sweater (Small Animal)ugly sweater small animal petsmart
OMG! OMG! OMG! An ugly sweater for GUINEA PIGS!!!!! Be still, my heart. At $7.19, it’s an absolute must-get. This 100% polyester gift will lift the spirits of little Sparky for sure. Take photos and post on Facebook. Please. I would get a guinea pig specifically for this sweater, but that would be a very irresponsible thing to do. Caution: This item is intended to be used for a short duration, under close supervision. Do not use for more than a few hours at a time. Sizing should allow room for 2 fingers to fit between the item and the pet. Do not use as a restraint.

[Editor’s note: Although the writer was highly unprofessional in reporting this finding, we nonetheless published it as written because this thing is SO FREAKIN’ CUTE!]

 

crazy cat lady action figureCrazy Cat Lady Action Figure
Ummmmm. OK, so maybe this isn’t meant as a gift for your pet, but it’s related to cats, so I think it’s appropriate to include here (plus I’m the one writing this article, so there you have it). Chances are, you know a real-life cat lady, an enchanting, endearing, eccentric soul who makes the neighborhood lively and vibrant. If you don’t know a cat lady in person, here’s the next best thing. This gift is a great way of saying, “Here, take this, you crazy old bat!” Comes with six cute kitties. $17.49 It’s worth noting that the product description is a hoot, so be sure to check it out.

Stroller
The perfect pampering pram for your senior cat or dog up to 35 lbs. Strut your little pride and joy out in the fresh air–durable, breathable mesh provides visibility and airflow. Shock absorbers offer a smooth ride on any terrain (well, I’m sure there are exceptions) and locking brakes keep Fido or Fluffy safe from unintended rollbacks. $195, but your precious baby is worth it. Right?

Bird toyAll Living Things Knots & Blocks Bird Toy
Birds are smart. Really smart. They’re emotionally sensitive too. If their minds aren’t kept stimulated, they will go bat-shit crazy. I am not making this up. There is a PBS documentary called Parrot Confidential about birds in captivity who have been surrendered by their humans. It’s heartbreaking. These intelligent beings can live more than 70 years and may very well outlive their caretakers. Responsible bird caretakers know this about their feathered wards and do what they can to keep their minds active. This toy will help. $16.99

My Cat VideoCat Video Clapperboard
I’m in film, and my boys are always bugging me to make them Internet stars, going so far as to video-bomb my auditions. Sadly, casting directors have to date not been amused, and I’ve missed out on several high-profile opportunities. There are plenty of felines out there who aspire to be famous, too, so there is a real market for this item. It has the added attraction of offering the ability to write your cat’s name in chalk (although you’ll have to purchase the chalk elsewhere). My guess is that this item will soon sell out, so don’t wait. $4.99 And, no, I’m not getting my boys one of these. Heck, no, not after they’ve ruined my very promising–albeit budding–career.

Cat Mate Pet Fountain
My Frankie doesn’t drink nearly enough water, and I’m concerned about his kidneys so I’m getting him this for Christmas. What the heck, Bobby can use it, too. The makers of this fountain say that it’s exceptionally quiet “and maximizes the appeal of drinking by providing multi-height drinking levels with plenty of water movement to ensure naturally oxygenated, cool water throughout the day.” Whatever. If my cats will drink from it, I’ll call it good. Yes, for $49.99, I can–heck, will–feel better about my pets’ health, so much so that I may very well give myself a pat on the back for being a responsible pet caretaker. This is an important distinction, by the way: Pet people are not “owners”. One does not “own” a pet. (In case you haven’t noticed, property laws are evolving.) People merely have the privilege of caring for creatures who are far more deserving of love and kindness than we humans are.

princess bowlWhisker City® Paris Cat Bowl
The product description says that this bowl “allows your cat to feel like she’s dining at an exquisite diner in the middle of the most beautiful city – Paris! Your cat will purr, ‘oh la-la’ after eating out of such a delightful bowl.” First, I believe “rrrrrrrooh-la-la” is the correct interpurrtation. Now, I can tell you without hesitation that my guys don’t give a rat’s ass where they eat as long as there is food, and I’m fairly certain they wouldn’t be thinking of Paris if they were to eat out of this pleasingly pink bowl. More likely they’d be thinking–accompanied by an evil glare, mind you–“We’ll get you for this.” Which is why the copywriter was astute enough to use the word “she” in the product description. $6.99

Snorkel SantaTop Fin® Snorkel Santa Holiday Ornament
The product description says that this thing traveled all the way from the North Pole, but I don’t believe that for a second, nor should you. You could probably get Phineas F. Finn to believe it, but don’t be surprised if all you get are some bubbles in reply. $3.19 Be sure to rinse this thing in warm water before surprising Master Finn.

Egg-Cellent Dinosaur Erasers
For that special human on your list. These are cool. I wish someone would get me one of these, but my boys don’t have thumbs, so I’m s.o.l. on this one. But that doesn’t mean someone you know and love should be deprived of the joy of receiving this little stocking stuffer. It’s seriously clever and I wish I had thought of inventing it because I would be rich instead of living hand to mouth. Well, as long as the boys are fed, life is good. $2.99

Oh Deer! Hot Water Bottle
Another festive gift suitable for a human, this product’s description states, “It’s just fawning at the opportunity to get you nice and toasty warm!” Brilliant copywriting, if I do say so myself. I can see quite a few uses for this thing: To get your bed warm and ready for you as you turoh dear hot water bottle covern the thermostat down to 55 degrees to lower your electrical bill. Or to apply to a stiff, sore neck. Great for soothing menstrual cramps, too. (Just being honest here.) $12.99

Understand What Your Dog is Thinking Breath Spray
Clearly, I’m in the wrong business. Here’s how this one works: Spritz in your mouth (not Fido’s) and you’ll instantly find out what your dog really thinks of you. Think twice before using this: Not for the fainthearted or tragically sensitive. $6.99

Dog Hoodie
Bruno secretly covets one of these, and if you know what’s good for you, you will get him this hoodie. Made from soft cotton for a comfy, cozy fit because you sure as hell don’t want to set your dog off by making him wear something that annoys him. $19

squirrel underpants

Squirrel Underpants
It takes an awful lot to offend me, but I’ve had it up to here with naked squirrels. I’m frankly tired of seeing all those nuts. If I have to wear pants, then so should they. Each pair of these adorable little briefs measures 3″ around the waist and is crafted of 100% cotton. Hamsters, gerbils–you name it–if an exhibitionist rodent refuses to wear pants, you know what to get him or her. Do it for them. Do it for yourself. Just do it. $5.99

‘Deer in Headlights’ artwork by Victoria Mullen